You’re one smart cookie to think about this already. Though you can’t spoil a newborn (holding and doting on younger babies creates a trusting environment), parents should know that they can start setting the stage to spoil their little ones by the time they’re 2 or 3 years old.
Showering a toddler with gifts or letting her rule the roost might avoid some immediate tears or tantrums, but if you turn to these tactics all the time, it’ll be tougher for your tot to end up good-natured and independent. Instead, she might wind up thinking that she can usually get her way and if you give in after a tantrum, then the tantrum was an effective way to get what she wants.
Here are some ways to avoid having a spoiled toddler[1] in your house.
Stick to your rules and discipline your child
Use discipline strategies that work for your child[2] so she doesn’t think she can do whatever she wants and learns that there are consequences for bad behavior.
Kids are going to test your boundaries. As hard as it is, avoid caving in to your toddler’s pleas (and pouts) to stay up later than her set bedtime, double up on treats or snacks on the regular, extend her time at the playground beyond what you wanted it to be, or watch another episode of her favorite kids’ show even though she was supposed to turn off the TV after one.
Children learn from a very young age whether you’ll stick to your limits or if whining or throwing a tantrum[3] will get them what they want, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).
More on Toddler Behavior and Development
Stay consistent to demonstrate that you mean what you say and your toddler isn’t above the rules.
Give your child chores
Let your toddler help out around the house by letting her take on a couple of age-appropriate chores (putting books back on the shelf, bringing plastic dinnerware to the sink). This will help her gain a sense of responsibility and not expect everything to be done for her.
Make one of her regular jobs something the whole family benefits from, like setting the table, suggests the AAP. The point is to encourage toddlers (who are self-centered by nature) to start thinking about others’ needs, instead of just “me, me, me.”
Teach your toddler manners
Instilling good manners and how to be polite in your toddler can go a long way to prevent her from becoming spoiled. Teach her to say please and thank you, to share and take turns, and to show others respect. It also helps if you let her know which bad manners to avoid, like name calling and being a sore loser.
Let your toddler feel disappointment
As perfect as you want her world to be, shielding your cutie from all of life’s bumps and always coming to her rescue can result in a spoiled toddler.
Your little one will be bummed when a playdate gets canceled or she doesn’t get a toy she wants in the store, but in time she’ll learn how to face disappointment with grace and self-control (without turning into one of those spectacularly spoiled children from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory).
Teach your child to be compassionate and giving
Showing your toddler how to be kind and giving will help put the focus on people other than herself from a young age. Model compassionate, generous behavior by donating to charities, volunteering, and doing random acts of kindness with your child whenever possible.
Avoid giving a million chances
When you’re disciplining your child, follow through on any consequences you’ve threatened — and without counting “2 ½” and “2 ¾” on your way to “3.” Otherwise, she’ll think she can continue to manipulate you and others in her world.
Steer clear of bargaining
Deal-making avoids a scene, but you shouldn’t squelch poor behavior with a prize. If she’s refusing to get in her car seat after dance class, refrain from dangling an ice-cream-cone “carrot.” Otherwise, you’ll end up with a spoiled toddler who will expect a treat after every class.
Don’t say 'no' to everything
Surprisingly, not giving toddlers enough leeway can sometimes cause behavior similar to that of a spoiled child. A child who hears “no” too often might think, “My mom says ‘no’ to everything, so I’m just going to try what I want to.” Saying too many “no’s” can dilute their effectiveness and lead to your toddler tuning you out.
Or she might take all those no’s to mean that she’s seen as a bad child and so she might as well act out. So choose your battles. When a request is reasonable and made when your toddler’s on her best behavior, go ahead and reward her.
Here’s hoping your honey stays sweet,
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