There are few things more heartrending than hearing a sudden shriek in the middle of the night coming from your child’s bedroom. When you rush in, the sight of your wild-eyed child sitting up in bed, crying and reaching out for you is equally heartbreaking. Kids first start to have nightmares around the age of 2, with episodes peaking between ages 3 and 6.
But take heart: Nightmares are a very common way to process emotions and information, and your child will eventually grow out of them.
What are toddler nightmares?
Toddler nightmares are unpleasant, realistic, bad dreams that wake your little one from sleep. When your toddler has a nightmare, she’ll remember it and — if she’s verbal — she may want to discuss it with you. She also may have a hard time falling back asleep after the nightmare.
Though nightmares can occur at any point during the night, they tend to take place during lighter REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which happens more in the early morning hours. And they’re very common: Roughly half of children ages 3 to 6 report having nightmares.
How can you tell the difference between nightmares and night terrors?
A child having a nightmare may seem a little restless while dreaming, but it’s not until she’s fully awake that the panic, screaming and crying begins. When you come to the rescue, your child is likely to cling desperately to you because she remembers the dream, and if she’s verbal she’ll likely want to tell you about it so that you can reassure her it’s not real.
But night terrors aren’t associated with visual imagery like dreams and nightmares are. Your child’s eyes may open wide and she might scream, thrash around, pant, have a sweaty brow or even sleepwalk, but she’s still sound asleep. She may shout for you, but she can’t sense your presence or be comforted by you. Unlike a nightmare, your child won’t remember her terrors when she wakes (even though you will).
More on Toddler Sleep
Night terrors usually strike the first few hours after your toddler hits the sack, during deep, non-REM sleep, and may last up to 45 minutes — although most are much shorter. They can occur more than once a night, although some kids seem to have more than others.
What causes nightmares?
Kids this age are processing a whole lot of new information every day, and their improving memory allows them to recall images and sounds from their busy days realistically at night. Sleep cycles also last longer than in babyhood, with more time spent in light "dream” sleep, leaving the door open to more nightmares.
Because kids can have a hard time separating reality from make-believe, any number of things in their waking life can cause stress and anxiety that leads to nightmares. Maybe your toddler saw a scary-looking spider or just had a spat with a friend at preschool.
Change can trigger terrifying dreams too — whether it’s a new teacher, a new work schedule for you or your partner, or a new sibling. A lot of times, working out fears and anxieties is what nightmares are all about.
An erratic sleep schedule, lack of sleep, fever or certain medications can also trigger nightmares.
What can you do about nightmares?
Helping your child settle back down after a nightmare may be hard, but she still needs those last few hours of sleep. Start by holding her or rubbing her back and reassuring her that everything’s all right.
Explaining "It was just a dream" most likely won’t mean much to a 2-year-old, but you can say something like, "You were just pretending in your sleep." Double-check under the bed and in spooky-looking closets, or talk about a happy memory (her best buddy’s birthday party, for instance). Try not to minimize your little one’s fears. (Don’t say, "Oh, there’s nothing to be afraid of.")
As much as possible, encourage your child to fall back asleep in her own room to teach her that it’s a safe space — and avoid adopting a ritual of bringing her into your bed every time she has a nightmare.
Once your child gets a bit older, you can ask her to describe her nightmare after she’s calmed down a bit and you sense it won’t upset her further. Talking things through can help your child understand that her dreams are make-believe (like in a story) so she can fall back asleep. But keep it short — you can get the blow-by-blow in the morning.
Sticking to a calming bedtime routine is the best way to ease the stress and anxiety that can cause nightmares in the first place. Skipping any potentially scary books or stories, providing a cheerful night-light and leaving the bedroom ajar can also help. Also try to avoid heavy snacking or a heavy meal in the couple of hours before bedtime, since food can rev up your little one’s metabolism, activating her brain and potentially resulting in more nightmares.
When to call the doctor
If your child has frequent nightmares, keep a sleep diary for a week or two to track when your little one goes to bed, how much sleep she’s getting every night, if she needs anything (like a comfort object or nightlight) to fall asleep, how often she wakes up and for how long, how many naps she takes during the day, and if there are any potential triggers (like changes around your home). This may help you and the pediatrician work out what’s triggering the episodes and help you get to the bottom of what’s going on.
If your child’s nightmares continue despite your best efforts, if she’s experiencing dream-related anxiety during the day, or if you have any other concerns about your child’s sleep, talk to your pediatrician. The doctor may look into other potential causes (including swollen tonsils) or recommend consulting a sleep specialist or therapist.
Remember, nightmares are very common in kids. While there’s not a lot you can do to stop them, offering quiet reassurance and a whispered "It’s okay" or a soothing back rub can help your tot fall back asleep.
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