How to Avoid the 5 Most Common Baby-Naming Conflicts

In the nine-month lead-up to welcoming your little one, chances are your to-do list feels endless at times. From nesting and getting the nursery ready to finding all the right baby gear, nailing down the perfect name for your little one might feel like a creative or daunting task — maybe even both at once!

The truth of the matter is that baby naming is the kind of personal, sensitive process that often leads to head-butting between partners, within families and even between friends. Thankfully, there are simple ways to tackle even the hairiest baby-naming conflicts. Here, five issues that parents often face and how to solve them.

1. The conflict: You and your partner aren’t in sync.

Maybe one of you prefers family names, and the other wants something more unique. One really wants to go with a certain initial, the other is open to others. The idea that you could ultimately land on a name you agree on feels next to impossible.

The fix: Talk it out — and when you do, dig below the surface. Your name likes and preferences may have a lot to do with feelings about your family, your friends and your own name. For instance, your partner may have disliked being one of five Jasons in his class while you disliked having to spell your name for every teacher. Or perhaps your partner feels strongly about continuing family traditions with the name while you want to set your own traditions with a more contemporary name.

It can also help for both partners to be allowed a “veto list,” so as to assert a strong opinion about certain names, as long as each veto has a valid reason. After all, no one wants to name their baby after grade school bullies, ex-boyfriends or other people with whom they have a bad association.

2. The conflict: You’re overwhelmed with options.

Finding that you like too many names is a possible cause for confusion and tension, too.

The fix: Start with a wide-ranging exploration of baby names to get a sense of what’s popular, what's trending and what names you're drawn to. From there, ask yourself questions like:

• Do you want a name that's more familiar or more rare?
• Do you want a conventional first name, or are you drawn to names that come from nontraditional sources?
• Do you prefer a name with a clear gender identity or one that works for both sexes?
• Does meaning matter to you and if so, what kind is most important?
• What names are you emotionally drawn to, and what do you love about them?

Considering these factors can help you zoom in on a shorter list and, at some point, your final choice.

3. The conflict: You’re feeling pressured by family members.

Whether it’s an aggressive in-law inserting themself into the process or one whole side of the family assuming that your baby will be given a specific name, couples often clash with opinionated loved ones. But giving in to family pressure to name your baby something you don't personally love could lead to feelings of regret.

The fix: Setting boundaries is key. You and your partner should present a united front, so start by discussing with each other how you would like to respond to both sets of parents. Setting boundaries on how far you let your parents and in-laws into your family life is much easier when you both are on the same page and prepared to stand together against name pressure.

For example, you might offer a simple, straightforward statement like, “We understand your point of view and appreciate your concern, but we are still planning to go with the name we've chosen."

4. The conflict: You’re struggling to name baby number 2 or 3 because you want it to go with their siblings’ names.

If this sounds like you, you're not alone. Many parents say they found it easier to name a first baby than younger siblings, as the first name can set a style or tone that you may feel bound to follow, and that narrows the list of possibilities.

The fix: First, know that it's okay for your children to have very different kinds of names. But if complementary names are important to you, think about what factors you want to match.

For example, if your first child has a two-syllable Irish name that ends in ‘y’ and has family meaning, maybe you just want to look for another Irish name, or another name drawn from the family tree, rather than aligning every factor too closely.

5. The conflict: You’re drowning in input.

It's all too common for parents to find themselves overwhelmed with confusing feedback from family members, friends, colleagues and even casual acquaintances.

The fix: If you're getting too much input, it might be confusing. Though it may be easier said than done, making a concerted effort not to share your top choice can save you the headache. Keeping your baby name a secret gives you and your partner time and space to make this big decision for yourselves without unnecessary input.