Your little one has discovered the (excruciating) magic of whining — and if he keeps at it long enough, he might just transform a "no" into a "yes." Here's what to do before (or after) the whimpering and whining gets out of hand.
Why toddlers whine
By itself, the act of whining doesn't mean your child is spoiled. Think of it more as a low-grade form of crying. And like crying, it's most likely to occur when kids are tired, hungry, bored, sick, not getting enough attention or told "no."
Maybe your 2-year-old is experiencing some separation anxiety and doesn't want you to leave for work — cue the whining. Just like temper tantrums, whining is a toddler tactic for testing limits and dealing with hunger, fatigue and other discomforts as your child learns to interact with you and the world around him.
What you need to know about whining
This ultra-annoying habit occurs most often between ages 2 and 6, but how long whiners continue to whine depends on their parents' reaction to it. The more often they get what they want after whining, the more likely they are to whine again.
What you can do about whiny kids
Even though it's normal for toddlers to whine, you can help head off this form of protest with some smart tactics:
- Stay calm. Don't say, "Stop that whining!" and don't label him a "whiner." To a toddler, negative attention is better than no attention and labels have a way of becoming self-fulfilling prophecies (and you certainly don't want that!).
- Don't give in. Tell your child that you'll listen only if he uses his "regular" voice. Then avoid eye contact and don't respond no matter how torturous it is (hang tough!). If your child changes to his "regular" voice, try to satisfy his request or offer options ("I can't give you candy now, but you can have a banana or some grapes").
- Try a distraction or hug. When reasoning doesn't work ("I won't buy you that toy. You have a ton just like it at home"), change the subject ("Hey, you have a playdate with Sean tomorrow!"). A quick cuddle may also brighten his mood.
- Inject humor. For example, pretend that you don't know where the whining is coming from. Ask your child to help you look for the whining under the couch, in the refrigerator or behind the TV. Or offer to fix your toddler's "whiny" voice with "tickle" oil. Some children, however, become even more upset at the slightest hint of teasing. If that's the case with your tot, stop and try another tactic.
How to prevent whining
Getting ahead of potential whining can go along way in keeping both you and your toddler in a good mood:
More About Toddler Communication
- Give him your undivided attention before the whining begins. When your child talks to you, make sure he knows you're listening. If you're in the middle of doing something and he needs your help, try not to take too long to respond.
- Head off boredom. If you suspect your little one has reached the end of his rope when it comes to entertaining himself, involve him in an activity.
- Look out for frustration. Make sure you're not expecting too much for his age. When he becomes overly frustrated, help him put his feelings into words, lend a helping hand or distract him with an easier game.
- Tune in to his physical needs. Try to make sure he doesn't become overly tired and that his mealtimes and snack times are consistent.
- Compliment his "regular" voice. When he asks for something in a pleasant manner, let him know how much you appreciate his asking nicely. ("Good job! You're using such a big boy voice!")
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