Here’s a tricky situation that’s bound to pop up several times over the next decade or so. Throughout the day care and school years, you’ll find that some of your child’s friends are a complete joy to have around, while others can be quite a handful.
Sounds like you’re faced with a little rascal right now!
Do toddlers deliberately act "bad" and naughty?
Here’s some perspective: At this age, little ones aren’t really capable of being bad people (though, yes, they can be a bad influence inadvertently).
Poorly behaved toddlers and preschoolers just don’t have a fully developed set of social skills yet. Think of them as “humans in training.” So while they sometimes act out and act naughty to get attention or a reaction, they're not sophisticated enough to be thinking it out and doing it to be manipulative or "bad."
Tips on handling your child's friend who's a bad influence
That said, it’s frustrating to teach your child to do the “right” things and see it all unravel when a naughty, bad influence pal comes on the scene. So what can you do about it? Follow these tips on managing your tot's tricky friend:
Host playdates as much as possible
Have the friend over to your house for most playdates, and minimize how often your child goes to the pal’s pad. True, it’s more work for you, but this way, you can be on the lookout for undesirable behavior and nip it in the bud.
Set ground rules
Maybe sticking out your tongue and calling one another doody-head is considered funny at the friend’s house. If so, the buddy will naturally expect to do the same things at your place. So set the record straight.
In a calm voice, say, “At our house the rule is no sticking out your tongue [or whatever the offense is]. Please stop.”
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If the child’s mom or dad is with her, it’s fine for her to hear you explain your ground rules[1] (hey, maybe she’ll pick up some ideas for taming her tot), though be prepared to stand your ground in case any problems with parents arise.
Cope with some copying
Mimicking other toddlers' behavior — both good and bad — is one very normal way children learn. But you still need to remind your child of your own family rules (“No throwing toys, please. That is not allowed”).[2]
While she may not obey you every time, she’ll actually take comfort in knowing that your rules don’t change. Kids crave consistency.
Ask for the day care or preschool teacher’s help
If your pipsqueak’s pal is a classmate, the teacher may have noticed that your child and her friend are double trouble when they’re together. If so, ask about separating them for a bit during the day.
For instance, when they do small-group activities, can one child go to the art center while the other goes to water play? If you're nervous, check out these tips for talking to a teacher about problems at preschool.
Cut back on playdates with the friend
If a friend is a real fireball every time she's with your child, limit the social visits. Come up with creative excuses, become extremely busy — do whatever it takes so your sweetie sees her friend less often (or not at all).
After all, you’re still the parent, and you have a lot of control over whom your young child plays with. The teen years are a whole other story!
Good luck!
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