No sane parent wants to disrupt a happily playing toddler who is absorbed in her toys, the playground slide or her music class. But unfortunately, the world can't always run on toddler time. And when you’re ready to go, and your tot — yes, the one who’s smack in the middle of a game or activity — isn’t, things can go downhill fast.
That’s because winding down one kind of play and moving on to something else is a learned skill. Indeed, transitioning toddlers between activities can be tricky if you don’t ease your way into it.[1]
Reassuring your toddler that she’ll be able to get back to the playground another time doesn't usually help much. In her mind, leaving the place where she’s had fun all morning is as tear-producing as being away from you for a whole day or even weekend.
So how can you make transitioning between activities go more smoothly for your child (and for you!)? These strategies can help even the most stubborn toddler switch gears:[2]
Give fair warning
Many parents swear by a warning system — like a countdown that lets your tot know that lunchtime at home is coming up. (Another reminder or two after the initial heads-up might be necessary, lest your child sink so far back into her game that she forgets the original warning.)
So consider giving a 10-minute warning, a five-minute warning and then a two-minute warning about leaving the playground (or whatever other activity your toddler is in the middle of), so your busy bee has time to disengage herself from what she's doing. Something along the lines of, “Okay, in 10 minutes we’re going to go home, so that means you can go down the slide just three more times!”
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Dangling an incentive never hurts either: “Five more minutes, and then it’s home for grilled-cheese triangles.” You’ll find that works much better than, “Okay, enough with the dump truck, it’s naptime!”
Implement a transition ritual
It’s a trick every good day care and preschool teacher uses when transitioning toddlers between activities. When it’s time for the blocks to go away and the lunch boxes to be opened, there’s generally a “clean-up song” especially designed not only to tidy up the play area, but also to signal that one activity is over and another will soon begin. This keeps toddlers engaged and entertained when moving from one thing to the next.
Make up your own transition ritual that's appropriate for the occasion. It could include packing up, washing hands, having a drink of water and/or singing a song such as, “Go home, go home, now is when we go-o-o home.” If you feel silly singing in public, keep in mind that lots of other parents have resorted to this tactic too!
Enlist transitional objects
Some kids are happy to leave — provided they can take a little something with them for the road. It’s great if your best friend — and her child — don't object if your toddler wants to borrow the toy phone she’s been obsessed with, but chances are, the phone’s rightful owner will put up a fuss.
So when switching gears and going from one activity to the next, you may want to come up with your own transitional objects. For instance, when leaving the park, suggest your child collect some leaves to take with her. Or when you head home from the beach, help her find and take home some shells.
If you know in advance that your child won’t be able to take anything home with her — like in a toy store, for instance — come prepared with a little purse or backpack filled with a few special things (a couple of stickers, a rubber car, or some Play-Doh) for later. When it’s time to leave, hand the bag over to your toddler to get her attention and then — quick! — usher her into the car or stroller, even as she’s sorting through her new treasure chest of goodies.
Make a timer the scapegoat
An egg timer (or the alarm on your watch or phone) may be one of the most underrated tools a parent can have. Instead of droning on and on about five more minutes (“No, really, this time I mean it, FIVE MINUTES”), show your child that you’re setting the timer — and make sure you’re ready to dash when it pings.
Having a “ping” announce it’s time to move on takes the pressure off you — after all, it’s harder to take issue with an inanimate, impartial timer than with a parent. You’re not the one ending the fun — it’s that darned timer’s fault!
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