Your toddler is learning new words every day (yay!), yet hearing bad language escape from her lips can stop you dead in your tracks. A blossoming vocabulary is a point of excitement and pride for parents, but when kids try on a little swearing for size, it’s time to step in.
Here's why toddlers and young children swear in the first place, how to react, and ways to stop it.[1]
Why do children swear?
Your child is beginning to understand the unique power of language as she builds on her personal word bank. Here’s what might influence her to use a curse word along with the others:
Curiosity. Swearing at this age can happen because toddlers and young kids have an endless (and very normal) appetite for new words, even the ones that are R-rated.
Copying. The truth is, children often don’t know the meaning of what they’re mimicking, so they’ll simply repeat what they hear from others or from TV.
Lack of filter. Before the age of 5 or 6, kids have trouble censoring themselves. This means that if they hear a curse word or think of one, it’ll dribble right out of their mouths.
Your reaction. That wince or loud shout that an off-color word or phrase elicits from you is all the encouragement your tot needs to say it again — and again.
The attention. Younger kids may swear or use inappropriate language to see how far they can push boundaries and misbehave. Older children might say a bad word to show off to peers.
How to respond when your child uses inappropriate language
Of course, you can’t control what comes out of your toddler's mouth, but you can certainly respond in a smart way. Here’s what to do when your little one says something inappropriate:[2]
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Stay neutral. If you hear your child lob a salty epithet at you or someone else, strive not to overreact — don't yell, gasp or even chuckle out loud, or you'll just encourage more profanity.
Ignore it. Is your child purposely trying to get a rise out of you? If she’s using bad words that way, trying to ignore her efforts and continue what you’re doing may quash her plan.
Validate your child's emotions. Be sure she understands that you disapprove of the bad language your little one is using, not your child or her feelings. ("It's okay to tell your sister you're mad, but you can't call her a doody-face.") She needs to learn that mean words hurt people's feelings just as hitting hurts their bodies.
Allow for experimentation. Toddlers often try out toilet talk just for the fun of saying it — or simply to provoke you. So when the foul language flies, tell her you get why she's curious about those words but it's not okay to say them in front of other people.
Never grab soap. The old-fashioned method of washing out a child’s mouth with soap is cruel, harmful, and definitely not recommended. Leave that idea to the history books where it belongs!
How to get your child to stop swearing
Looking for tips on how to stop a child from saying bad words? Try these ways to curb potty talk:
Set a hard-and-fast rule. It’s your house, after all. You can announce a no-swearing mandate at home that’s made clear to all, adults included.
Check yourself. Do you flip off a driver in the next lane or curse when you stub your toe? Your child is listening intently and will parrot the profanity all over the playground.
Talk about empathy. Explain to your tot that words can cut deeply. Ask her how the word she used made the other person feel and then praise her when she apologizes.
Brainstorm together. Make up some silly words or phrases your child can say instead of swears when she’s angry or frustrated — the wilder and wackier, the better!
Offer a reward. Everyone slips now and then (even parents), but an incentive may help. Add a sticker, star, or coin to a “swear jar” for every swear-free day that goes by and let your tot keep the proceeds each week. But if anyone curses or says something inappropriate, a coin, sticker or star comes out of the jar.
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