4 Signs Your Toddler May Be Stressed

Compared with adulthood, childhood is carefree, right? Not exactly. Your little one might not be dealing with all you’ve got on your plate, but young children can and do get stressed.

Events such as moving, the arrival of a new sibling, the death of a pet or a grandparent, or just getting used to being away from Mom and Dad are big adjustments that can leave your sweetie feeling frightened, tired or even sick. What’s more, young children can’t always explain what’s bothering them, which only adds to their woes.

That’s when parents need to become behavioral detectives, tuning into changes that are likely triggered by stress. So if you notice that your child is acting differently lately, consider whether your family has gone through an out-of-the-ordinary and potentially upsetting event recently.

If not, gently ask your toddler what’s going on. Is he feeling scared about starting a new day care class? Jealous about the arrival of a baby sibling? Sad or nervous about moving to a different house? 

You may not be able to quell your child’s fears right away, but you can reassure him that in time, he'll be more comfortable with his new teacher and classmates, he'll grow to love his new baby brother or sister, and he'll get used to his new home.

Here are some common signs of stress in children. If you notice your little one exhibiting any of these behaviors, try to get to the bottom of what’s upsetting him and use these tips to help him cope.

Extreme clinginess

If your toddler screams and cries every time you leave — or if he was fine being away from you before, but suddenly starts begging you not to go — he may be experiencing separation anxiety. 

These strategies can help ease your child's stress about you leaving:

• Keep your good-bye short and sweet, and don't linger. 
• Be specific about when you'll return in terms he'll understand. For example, if you are heading out for the morning and will return at 12:30, say, "I'll be home after your lunch, and right before you go down for your nap."
• Help your toddler get used to the idea of your departure by reminding him several times that you’re heading out, starting an hour or so before you go.
• Distract your little one with a job — give him a special toy or keepsake to take care of for you while you’re away.
• Give your child something small that reminds him of you, like a photo or a small handkerchief with your scent on it.

Disrupted sleep

Young kids have sleep problems for many reasons — some, like teething pain and colds, come and go pretty quickly, while others, like nightmares and sleep-talking, take extra effort to resolve.

But sudden changes in your child’s sleep patterns can be a red flag that he’s feeling stressed. Kids who are overly worried may be unable to fall asleep or have trouble staying asleep, leading to night terrors, sleepwalking or a refusal to sleep alone.

If your child often seems overwrought at bedtime, he may need extra help winding down from the day’s activities. Following a regular nighttime routine might be the most helpful thing to try — predictability makes toddlers feel safe. Avoiding sugary snacks after dinner and banning TV before bedtime (good advice for everyone) will also go a long way toward ensuring a sensitive little one sleeps tight all night.

Behavioral regression

A major life event — moving to a new house, the birth of a sibling — can trigger regression, which may lead your child to revert to behaviors he’s outgrown, like potty accidents and thumb-sucking.

To help him adapt to the change, make sure he feels important and needed. A preschooler who’s less than thrilled about a new sibling, for instance, may adjust better if he’s given a big-brother job, like singing to his new baby sister at bedtime, organizing the changing table supplies or helping feed the baby a bottle.

Developing repetitive behaviors

Children who feel stressed sometimes try to soothe themselves with repetitive behaviors like nail-biting, hair-twisting or skin-scratching.

If you notice your child engaging in these actions, don’t scold, shame or insist he stop — little kids just don’t have that kind of self-control. Instead, try to get to the heart of what’s bothering him by talking about it during "safe" times, like over ice cream or a walk around the block.

Of course, easing a little one’s fears and worries sometimes takes more than extra hugs and attention from you. If your child doesn’t respond to repeated attempts to comfort him, or if your family is dealing with serious trauma or life changes such as the death of a family member, talk to your pediatrician about whether your child should see a specialist like a therapist to help him better cope with his stress.