How to Be a Successful Stay-at-Home Dad

Parenthood has changed dramatically over the past few decades.  While more mothers have historically been stay-at-home parents, a growing number of men are choosing to stay at home to care for their children and families.

For many stay-at-home dads, blazing new trails can be rewarding, but also challenging. Reconsidering finances and career goals while also juggling societal expectations and personal needs can complicate the decision for a dad to stay at home. But for many, the benefits and rewards outweigh the struggles.

What does it mean to be a stay-at-home dad?

Stay-at-home dads usually take primary charge of family and domestic responsibilities, often in support of a spouse or a partner who works outside the home, but sometimes as a solo parent.

A stay-at-home dad can have a wife, a husband, a partner or be single. Some SAHDs work full-time at home caring for family, while others have part-time, freelance or side gigs that allow them to work during non-parenting hours. 

For the growing number of men in the United States who act as primary caregivers to their children, fatherhood is more than simply their vocation. Proudly calling oneself a stay-at-home dad is a powerful statement of identity and acknowledges the changing dynamics of modern parenthood.

For generations, family care routinely fell into the category of "women’s work." Stereotypes and stigma deterred many men from staying at home with kids and wrongly looked down upon those who did.

The truth about today’s stay-at-home dads is that they look, act and sound much like all other dads — whether their primary job is to raise children or to work "outside" of the home.

The reasons that a man chooses to be a stay-at-home dad are as varied as there are SAHDs. Each family situation is unique, but a dad may choose to stay at home because it makes better financial sense for his family, because he is more inclined toward childcare and family duties than his spouse or partner, or simply because staying at home to care for his family is what he wants to do. 

As society has come around to understand and appreciate that the job of a stay-at-home mom is legitimate and rewarding work, so too has the growing reality of stay-at-dads become more acceptable, visible and validated.

How common are stay-at-home dads?

Stay-at-home moms and dads account for about 1 in 5 U.S. parents — or approximately 11 million Americans, according to Pew Research Center. While the share of stay-at-home parents has remained relatively steady over the past 30 years, the share of stay-at-home dads has modestly increased from 4 percent to 7 percent.

Meanwhile, an analysis of U.S. Census data by National At-Home Dad Network estimates 7 million fathers are a regular source of care for children under the age of 15.

Although stay-at-home mothers continue to make up the majority of at-home parents, a slow but steady increase in the number of at-home dads reflect several societal changes, including:

• Increasing gender pay equity, particularly among those working white collar professions
• Greater acceptance of diversity in jobs once traditionally deemed "feminine" or "masculine"
• Shifts from rural living and agricultural work to urban-based living and work
• Larger emphasis on better work-life balance for both women and men

The COVID-19 pandemic also has led some dads to shift gears and become at-home caregivers to their children, purposefully or not.

Job loss and a shift to remote work have caused many parents, including dads, to reassess the balance of their careers and families. Some dads have chosen to stay at home to care for their children and families instead of trying to juggle remote work or job searches with parenting duties.

What are the benefits of being a stay-at-home dad?

Fathers today have realized the many benefits of engaging more with family responsibilities than their fathers were one or two generations ago. 

Ninety percent of Millennial and Generation X dads say parenting is their greatest joy, and 86 percent say they work hard at becoming a more effective parent, one survey found.

Being a SAHD can give you the opportunity to:

• Strengthen bonds with family. In addition to deepening bonds between father and child, partners of stay-at-home dads report greater satisfaction and equity in their relationships with each other.
• Be a positive male role model. Children who grow up with involved fathers experience firsthand what it’s like to have a strong, positive male role model in their lives.
• Improve financial stability. The decision for one partner to stay at home to care for children often comes down to a financial decision. For many stay-at-home dads, their arrangements provide greater financial stability because their partners have better income opportunities.
• Reflect on your career. For some stay-at-home dads, staying at home gives them the ability to plan their next career move, once their children are older.

What are the challenges of being a stay-at-home dad?

Despite the many joys, being a stay-at-home dad is not all rainbows and unicorns. The challenges of being an at-home dad are similar to the ones that stay-at-home moms have historically faced, such as minimization of their contributions and lack of respect.

For some men, societal expectations of what it means to be masculine and be a family provider can sometimes conflict with their choices to stay at home. Other challenges may include:

• Pausing a career and losing financial opportunities. Most men and women start families during their prime earning years, so taking a detour off a career path may have long-term negative financial implications for dads who decide to stay at home full-time. 
• Counteracting the "clueless dad" trope. Despite greater awareness, at-home dads are often perceived as simply "babysitting" their children before a mom steps in to do the "real" care. SAHDs frequently have to fight the misperception that the care they provide is subpar to the care of a mom.
• Coping with isolation or depression. Similar to what many stay-at-home moms struggle with, SAHDs often must deal with feelings of isolation or depression, which the global pandemic has heightened for many people. 

How can a stay-at-home dad be successful?

Finding balance between parenting responsibilities and retaining one’s own identity can be difficult for any parent who stays at home to care for family. Here are a few tips for SAHDs for navigating societal pressures and personal expectations:

Prioritize self-care

Stay-at-home dads need to care for their mental and physical wellbeing in order to care effectively for others. That means eating well, exercising, stimulating your brain and getting enough sleep. Making the effort will make you feel all the better while chasing around your kiddos.

Find your tribe

Whether it’s connecting with other dads and caregivers in person or online, finding a community of like-minded and similarly situated fathers can combat feelings of isolation. 

An entire cottage industry of at-home dad support groups have sprung up in recent years. From the National At-Home Dad Network to City Dads Group, there are ways to build a sense of belonging. 

Set clear boundaries

It’s essential to set expectations with your partner, children, extended family, neighbors and friends. People may think that you’re "just at home" and therefore they may take advantage of your time, whether that means receiving packages for others, walking someone else’s dog or running errands for them.

Being a stay-at-home dad is a job with real responsibilities and deadlines. Don’t let others take advantage of your time or generosity.

Nurture your side hustle

Your kids will inevitably outgrow needing you for every single thing. Preparing for a post-SAHD future is useful even if it doesn’t mean returning to full-time work outside the home.

Nurture a hobby, tend to a craft, become a gourmet chef, start a TikTok account. Allow yourself to continue having an identity beyond being "dad."

Have fun

Make the experience of being an at-home dad your own and enjoy everything about being a happy SAHD.

Older dads will tell you that the time you have with your child is precious and limited. You may cling to images of your child as a baby cradled in your arms, but soon that baby will take his first steps, then head off to school and — in the blink of an eye — your baby may just become a parent himself one day.