Second Pregnancy Planning

Whether you’ve always planned on having multiple kids or just recently started swooning over the idea of giving your child a sibling, it’s official: You’ve got baby number two on the brain.

The thought of growing your family is exciting, but it also brings up lots of questions: How can you know if you’re really ready? And if your first baby has barely graduated from the infant stage herself, do the benefits of having two tots outweigh the chaos and exhaustion — or is it worth waiting a little longer?

There are no right or wrong answers, of course. But there are plenty of questions you can think about to help you decide, plus advice for how to cope if trying isn’t going exactly how you’ve planned.

How to decide if you’re ready to have a second baby

Now that your baby’s gone from a bundle in your arms to a walking, talking toddler, you may be wondering if it's the right time to have a second child. While only you and your partner can decide the ideal time for spacing children in your family, the following questions may help you come up with the best scenario for you and your crew:

• Do you find yourself longing for kids close in age so that they can be each other’s playmates?
• Would you like to tackle another round of diapering days and sleepless nights sooner rather than later?
• Would you prefer to space out your pregnancies so that you can enjoy each child’s little-kid stage without distractions?
• Do you like the idea of spacing children far enough apart to minimize the risk of sibling rivalry and overly similar developmental stages (two toddlers in the house, say — or two teens)?

If you answered yes to the first two questions, you’re probably ready to get a jump on making baby number two. If you answered yes to the last two questions, you might want to wait a bit longer before you start prepping for a second pregnancy.

Of course, there are other factors to keep in mind as you decide when to have a second child: your family finances, child care choices and work responsibilities.

Whichever spacing scenario you choose comes with its shares of joys and pitfalls. For example, if you’ve got a duo in diapers, they’ll have a great time playing with each other when they hit the preschool years. Plus, you won’t have to hunt for different types of toys or activities to entertain them. 

Keep in mind, though, that closely spaced sibs can be exhausting and competitive. The early years are the most demanding of parenting — but, then again, they’re over relatively quickly (although it won’t seem like it at the time).

On the other hand, having your children further apart spaces out the physical labor and lets you focus on each individually. The flip side to spacing children further apart is that the kids may be more reluctant playmates — and there’s no guarantee you’ll have fewer squabbles. You also spend more total years in active parenting — which may be a plus or a minus, depending on your future plans.

Preparing for a second pregnancy

Just as you wanted to be as healthy as possible before making baby number one, you’ll want to be as fit as possible before tackling your second pregnancy. That doesn’t necessarily mean hitting the gym every single day (which, let’s face it, is tough to do with a toddler!), but it does mean making sure your body has had enough time to recover from being pregnant the first time. 

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommends that women try to avoid becoming pregnant within six months of giving birth and ideally wait at least 18 months, in order to give your body the time it needs to restore depleted vitamins and get back in baby-making shape. Trusted SourceAmerican College of Obstetricians and GynecologistsOptimizing Postpartum CareSee All Sources ^[1]

Want to dive back in sooner? Have a chat with your OB/GYN. If you’re eating well, you've got your doctor's okay and you’re feeling energetic enough to plow through a second pregnancy, there’s no reason not to go for baby number two as soon as you’d like.

Getting pregnant a second time

You know what to expect this time around. But that doesn’t mean you’ll feel exactly the same. (And not just because you don’t have those newbie nerves!) Every pregnancy is different, and in fact, second pregnancies differ physiologically from first ones in a number of ways.

But before dealing with any of the ups or downs of growing a baby the second time around, you’ll have to get pregnant. For some couples, conceiving baby number two happens just as quickly and easily as baby number one. But there can also be some speed bumps, which takes many couples by surprise.

What to do if you’re having trouble getting pregnant a second time

It’s easy to assume that getting pregnant a second time is a cinch. And often, it is! But more couples actually experience secondary infertility — infertility that shows up after you’ve already had at least one baby — than primary infertility (infertility the first time around).

More often than not, secondary infertility is caused by the same factors that can make it harder to get pregnant the first time, such as age, weight and conditions like endometriosis, uterine fibroids or polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Trusted SourceMayo ClinicSecondary Infertility: Why Does It Happen?See All Sources ^[2]

The advice for coping is the same: See your doctor if you’re under 35 and haven’t been able to get pregnant after a year of trying. If you’re over 35, see your doctor if you haven’t been able to get pregnant within six months. 

The issue can also stem from a problem that occurred during an earlier pregnancy or delivery, like a birth trauma that damaged the uterus or other uterine problems. If that’s the case, it’s worth talking with your doctor before trying to get pregnant a second time. He or she can give you an idea of what your chances are for conceiving naturally, walk you through any possible risk factors of a second pregnancy, and let you know if and when you should seek fertility assistance. 

Your health during a second pregnancy 

Even though the end result is 1,000 percent worth it, there’s no denying that pregnancy and childbirth take a toll on you physically as well as emotionally. Back-to-back babies can strain and stress you for a number of reasons, but the second time around comes with plenty of perks, too. Here's how a second pregnancy can affect your health: 

Pros of a second pregnancy

• Your first baby will likely keep you moving throughout your second pregnancy. That means you'll get more of the exercise you need without having to find the time to schedule workouts!
• You probably won’t have time to agonize over every pregnancy symptom, since you’ll be busy round-the-clock.
• You’re deep in the trenches of mom life right now, so you won’t undergo the shock of how life changes like you did with your first baby.

Cons of a second pregnancy

• During your second pregnancy, you won’t be able to rest as much as you’d like, since you’ll have your firstborn clamoring for your nearly constant attention.
• If you had a C-section for your first delivery, it may be difficult for you to have a vaginal delivery within 18 months to two years.
• If you’re breastfeeding during your second pregnancy, you’ll be nourishing not just one but two babies, so you’ll need to be extra careful about keeping your nutrient levels up. Trusted SourceAmerican Academy of PediatricsNursing During PregnancySee All Sources ^[3]
• While your doctor might give you the green light to get pregnant before your older child hits 18 months if you’re feeling good, it’s still worth giving your body some breathing room.

Managing your finances during a second pregnancy

You've learned firsthand that having a baby impacts your budget. But there are a few extra things to consider when you’re thinking about adding another little one to your brood. Ask yourself:

• If you work outside the house, can your budget take a hit if you have to take a second unpaid maternity leave, or will you have to cut your time with the second baby short?
• Are you a stay-at-home mom who would like to get that second pregnancy over with so that you can return to work?
• Can your house handle another little body now, or will you need to move to a bigger (more expensive) home to accommodate your growing family?
• Will you be able to use the baby gear you already have (crib, car seat, stroller), or will your firstborn still be using it, requiring you to get a second set of essential items?

Having a second baby will be an additional expense no matter when it happens, but the timing of your second pregnancy can have a big impact on how much extra money you shell out. You and your partner may want to come up with a preliminary family budget to see what you might be able to afford in the near future versus the distant future to help you make your decision.

There's a lot to consider when it comes to having baby number two, but ultimately, trying now or holding off both have their pros and cons. So don't stress too much about picking the perfect time. Chances are you’ll know deep down what’s right for you and your family of three — or four.