Beginning around 17 months, toddlers pick up a new vocal skill: screaming. The first time your little one yelled out, you may have been surprised but also tickled. But then the screaming became an all-the-time thing.
Your toddler wants a snack? She screams. It's bedtime? Extreme screams. Absolutely nothing going on? Your tiny rascal gives you the eye and then lets out a loud shriek.
Toddler screaming can get old, fast. To save your sanity and your eardrums, here's why your toddler finds it so fun — and how to turn down the volume.
Why do toddlers scream so much?
Toddler screaming has several causes. Your kiddo may try screeching for any of the following reasons:
- Experimentation. It may look like mischief, but at this age, children just enjoy experimenting with yet another thing they've discovered they can do — in this case, create sound. (Admit it — sometimes yelling is just plain fun!)
- Boundary testing. They're also testing the limits around them — yours, the environment's, even their own. So when they face a challenge or resistance, they may act out (loudly).
- Poor impulse control. Toddlers are still building up their ability to be patient and learning how to behave in public.
- Limited communication skills. Little ones haven't yet fully mastered how to communicate what they want and need, so sometimes they resort to yelling. In a toddler's brain, a scream says a thousand words.
- Cause and effect. Tots are also learning how their behaviors affect the people around them. Your child may work out that certain octaves of screams make you come running and others may make you mad.
- Attention. Don't be surprised if your little chick starts squawking when you're on the phone, working from home or chatting with another grown-up. Toddlers love attention and will try pretty much anything, including banshee-like behavior, to get it.
- Excitement. Hey, sometimes toddler screeching is a good thing. Your kid may let out a high-pitch squeal when she sees something fun like a doggy or kitty. Or she may screech if she's having a particularly good time playing with a favorite toy.
Is toddler screaming normal?
Although your toddler's screaming can sometimes embarrass you (especially in inopportune settings like airplanes), it's totally commonplace. It's simply a toddler thing, which means this too shall pass. As with many other annoying toddler behaviors, your tot will likely grow out of this phase.
More About Toddler Communication
How to stop a toddler from screaming
In the middle of a toddler screaming fit, it's hard to hear even yourself think. Keep these tactics handy when things start to get loud:
- Lower your own voice. Challenge your screaming toddler by looking her in the eye and whispering. That may catch his attention and may make her curious enough to listen (and hopefully quiet down so she can hear).
- Give her words. Remember, your toddler is still working on her communication skills. Ask her to calmly tell you what's wrong, but you may also need to play detective. ("Are you mad because you dropped the block?" or "Do you want an apple?"). When she's less frustrated, help her practice the words: "Can you say, 'mad?'" or "Snack, please?"
- Replace screams with laughter. It's hard for your little one to wail when she's rolling with laughter. Next time her vocal demonstrations get too loud, try to bring on the giggles. Talk in a crazy voice. Walk like a duck or hop like a frog. Make a funny face. Your silliness may momentarily distract your kid and quiet any whining.
- Turn on the tunes. When your toddler starts screaming, try playing some music and suggest she sing or join you in a sing-along. Not interested? Ask her about animal sounds she can make, or bring out some musical instruments. Sure, it'll still be noisy, but at least it'll be easier on the ears.
- Take her outside. If you're in a public place, say a restaurant, and your toddler refuses to use her inside voice, go outside with her where her outside voice belongs. Try to do this without raising your own voice and making a fuss. (This trick also may tame a toddler temper tantrum.)
How to prevent a toddler from screaming
Ward off toddler screaming before it starts with these peacekeeping strategies:
- Teach the concept of an "inside voice" and an "outside voice." Give a demonstration of where and when they can be used. ("You use your inside voice in the house and your outside voice in the backyard.")
- Anticipate tantrum triggers. If you know your toddler sounds off when she's hungry, plan outings and errands around mealtimes or bring snacks. For the kiddo who yells when she's tired, make sure she's well-rested before you venture out (and avoid missing naptime).
- Control the general volume in your house. That means no blaring TV, radio or other background noise, and — most importantly — no screaming at your toddler to stop screaming. Remember, monkey see, monkey do.
- Provide positive reinforcement. When your toddler uses her inside voice at the appropriate time and place, shower her with praise.
- Make it a game. Here's another way to encourage quiet. When your toddler's not screaming, invite her to a whispering match. Young children have a hard time whispering (it sounds sort of like a stage whisper), but that won't stop them from trying, especially if you make a game of it. ("Can you whisper like me?")
- Let her have some say. Rather than making all decisions for your toddler, allow her to choose between options. For instance, you might ask if she wants to wear blue shoes or red shoes today. If tots have some control over their lives, they may cooperate more (and protest less).
When to call the doctor
Most times, toddler screaming is totally harmless even if it is unpleasant. However, screaming can sometimes signal something more serious, such as discomfort, pain or illness.
Contact your pediatrician if your toddler seems inconsolable, or if the screaming or crying is accompanied by symptoms such as:
- Fever
- Changes in appetite or behavior
- Diarrhea
- Vomiting
- Constipation
- Pain or other injury
If you think there's something wrong with your child (even if you're not sure), it never hurts to get in touch with the doctor.
And when the shrieks do stem from excitement, frustration or no reason at all, try not to let this common noisy toddler behavior get to you. Once little munchkins get older and learn better ways to express themselves, they take it down a notch.
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