Your toddler's first days at preschool or day care are so exciting … maybe a bit too exciting. First day jitters, the thrill of meeting new friends and the sadness of saying goodbye to Mom and Dad can push an already anxious child onto an emotional roller coaster. Your kiddo may be so nervous or eager that she expresses it in a way she doesn’t want: in a potty accident. Uh oh!
An accident, whether it happens on day one or day 50, can turn your child off to the whole idea of day care or preschool. Here's how to prepare for leaks with a potty training child in day care and help her cope without embarrassment so she can enjoy her school experience.
Why is my toddler having potty training accidents now that she’s started preschool or day care?
If your child has been dry for a while, her accidents at school may seem puzzling. However, young children experience potty training setbacks at day care or preschool for many reasons:
The stress of it all. Any kind of difficult situation, like moving to a new house, welcoming a new baby sibling, divorce or other changes in the family, and illness can cause toddlers who’ve graduated from diapers and are starting to potty train to suddenly spring a leak. And being in a classroom presents other challenges that may cause accidents at preschool. Going from being home all day to being in day care for several hours is very different. The changes in setting and routine, anxiety or fear about starting school, adapting to a teacher who isn’t Mom or Dad, and being around a new group of kids can stress kids out and lead to potty accidents at school.
Unfamiliar equipment. Some toddlers might have accidents because they’re uncomfortable using the toilet if it’s different from what they're used to.[1] For example, if your child has been going to the bathroom in a plastic potty at home, she may be hesitant if the preschool only has a real porcelain toilet.
Embarrassment. Your little one may feel embarrassed or be afraid to tell the teacher she has to go. She may also be shy about peeing or pooping in group situations.
Distractions. A lot is going on in your kid’s preschool classroom. There are new toys, friends, décor, games and lessons to learn. Some toddlers get so caught up in the buzz of it all that they forget to answer nature’s call and wind up having accidents. Remember: Accidents happen, and they happen often at preschool (where everyone’s in the same just-trained boat).
Clothing issues. If your little one has on an outfit she can’t easily unbutton or pull down, she may not be able to undress herself and make it to the toilet in time.
Constipation. When your little one is constipated, the colon and rectum push on the bladder. The result: Your toddler may wet herself by accident.[2]
A half-empty bladder. Sometimes — for whatever reason — kids are so in a rush to be done with their bathroom break that they get up before they’ve completely emptied their bladder. Then five or 10 minutes later as they’re sitting, standing or running around playing, they have to pee again suddenly and it comes out before they can make it back to the restroom.
What can I do about my toddler’s potty accidents at school or day care?
When your child is at day care, you obviously can't be there to take her to the bathroom when she gets flustered or furrows her brow. But you can help your little one get over the problem and become a preschool potty pro with these tips:
Send in backup. Put a spare outfit (and undies, socks and shoes) in your child’s backpack just in case there’s a bathroom accident. Most day cares require it for toddlers and keep the extras stashed in cubbies at the center.
Set your kid up for success. Speaking of attire, make sure your child wears potty-friendly clothing. Go for items that are easy to pull down and pull up. Think dresses, skirts, pants and shorts with stretchy waistbands. Skip buttons, belts and one-piece outfits (like overalls or shirts that snap), which are difficult for your child to take off quickly when she has to go.
Take a toilet tour. To raise your tot's comfort level in the school bathroom, show her that the potty, toilet paper and sink work the same as the ones at home. Have her give it a whirl while you’re there.
Help her shy away from shyness. Point out that everyone at preschool pees and poops — even the other kids and the teacher. Help her gain some public potty experience at the mall and at restaurants. If your toddler won’t poop on the potty (or pee, for that matter) because she’s worried about the other kids hearing, suggest that she sing in the stall.
Address constipation. If you think your toddler’s potty accidents may be due to constipation, talk with your pediatrician, who may advise you to increase her intake of fruits, veggies, whole grains and water. Also, talk to the doctor to see if it’s necessary to add a stool softener.
Encourage the slow route. Tell your little one to relax, breathe deeply and take her time when using the toilet. This will help her empty her bladder completely. You may also suggest that when she’s done peeing, she try to see if she can pee a little more.
Go with the flow. It’s important to take potty training setbacks in stride. Tell her that having accidents is perfectly natural, reassure her that next time she’ll get to the potty on time, and then drop the subject. Let her know that the other children are having regular accidents too, and that she's not the only one. Don't chide (“You know better than that!”) or suggest any kind of punishment. That won’t prevent her from having accidents at school. Plus, it can lower her self-esteem when she needs the boost the most.
Cheer her on. Praise your child whenever she has an accident-free day. Applauding other feats (“You put your shoes on all by yourself. Good job!”) will up her confidence, and that could lead to fewer accidents at school.
When to call the doctor about potty accidents at day care
Usually, potty slip-ups at day care or preschool are an occasional and normal occurrence. However, if the accidents happen more than three times a week or have been going on for months, contact your child’s pediatrician. Also reach out right away if your toddler has any worrying symptoms like a fever, urinating more frequently, pain or crying when she pees, or cloudy or bloody urine. The doctor will want to rule out a urinary tract infection (UTI) or other medical issues.
If your child is over age 4, has been potty trained and dry for six months or longer, and suddenly starts having accidents, it’s also a good idea to discuss it with the doctor.
And, of course, even if your child only has a potty accident every once in a while, don’t hesitate to give the pediatrician a ring if you have any questions or concerns.
Fortunately, preschool potty accidents are rarely a sign of a serious medical issue. Most times, it’s only a temporary potty training setback that lasts a few days or weeks. With some time and guidance from you and the day care or preschool staff, your toddler will master pottying at school.
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