Low Libido Postpartum

Your baby is constantly breastfeeding and you’ve barely slept a wink. Is it any wonder that you can’t imagine having sex any time soon? 

Don’t beat yourself up. Lots of couples have trouble easing back into bed (except for catching some well-deserved Zzzs!) once a little person enters the picture. Here’s the lowdown on postpartum loss of libido and how to carve out quality time with your partner.

Are postpartum sex drive changes common?

Lagging libido after childbirth happens to be extremely common. Women report dramatic changes in their intimate relationships in the weeks and months after having a baby.

While there’s no set timetable for resuming sex, many doctors recommend waiting four to six (or even eight) weeks. Your body needs time to recover, no matter whether you delivered vaginally or by C-section.

But don’t worry if you’re not yet in the mood to get your sexy on. Even after your doctor has given you the green light, you may not feel like having sex. And that’s okay. Some women aren’t ready until the third month after giving birth, while many others wait until six months later. 

What causes a postpartum loss of libido?

Let’s see: Now that you have a new little person (or people, in the case of multiples) in your care, your life has been turned upside down. First-time moms, especially, may be adjusting to the responsibilities of parenthood. Wiping baby bottoms and laundering clothes spattered with spit-up can kill the mood. You may not feel that you have time for yourself, let alone your relationship with your partner. 

Fatigue is also a major factor in a decreased sex drive after giving birth. After a few months, your baby will start sleeping for longer stretches, which means you can get more shut-eye too and have more time (and energy) for sex. 

Read This Next

Postpartum Bleeding (Lochia)

Your Postpartum Belly: What Will Your Stomach Look Like After Giving Birth?

Postpartum Fatigue

Postpartum Bleeding (Lochia)

Your Postpartum Belly: What Will Your Stomach Look Like After Giving Birth?

Postpartum Fatigue

Then there’s the matter of hormones. Decreased estrogen levels may squelch your libido and lead to vaginal dryness, which can make sex painful. Plus, if you’re nursing, it’s a double whammy. Not only are you dealing with lower estrogen, but you’re producing a hormone called prolactin that stimulates breast milk production — but can further dampen your sexual desire.

Some new moms are also self-conscious about their post-baby bodies. In fact, a plethora of physical and emotional issues, from perineal pain and other soreness and discomfort to postpartum depression, can affect your postpartum sex drive.

Suffice it to say that it’s completely normal not to want to have sex after giving birth. At the same time, some new moms may not experience such dips in desire, and that’s completely normal too.

How long does a low postpartum libido last?

Loss of libido during the first six weeks or so after the baby is born is completely normal. So when will you feel like doing it again? It can really vary from one woman to the next. Don’t let averages (or your friends’ personal experiences) rule what you do between the sheets. 

Some new moms resume intimacy with a partner as soon as they’ve recovered from childbirth. If you’re physically in the clear per your doctor’s advice and you're up for an intimate encounter with your partner, have at it. Just be sure to use birth control to avoid back-to-back pregnancies. 

Still, it’s possible your sex drive may not return for months — even a year or longer, particularly if you’re breastfeeding. There’s even evidence to suggest that it can take 18 months or longer before many women find sex very or extremely pleasurable again. 

If you're having an extended dry spell, know that it’s not forever. Your sex drive should return to its pre-pregnancy levels. Meanwhile, there are steps you can take to heat things up.

What can you do if you’re experiencing a low libido?

Remember, you don’t have to have sex to be intimate. You and your partner can find other ways to solidify your physical and emotional bond: 

• Tackle parenting as a team. What’s more attractive than a partner who does the laundry and cuddles a colicky baby?

• Communicate about your priorities. When it comes to sex versus sleep, you might be surprised to learn that you’re both on the same page right now. 

• Reconnect as a couple. A romantic dinner for two? Time to call a babysitter. Even taking an evening walk or sipping a glass of wine together after the baby nods off can help you rekindle your relationship.

• Touch each other. You might not be in the mood to have sex, but you can still be physically intimate. Kiss, cuddle, hold hands, give each other back rubs — whatever feels right.

In time, you should be ready to resume your sexual relationship. If not, talk to your doctor about your low postpartum libido. And, of course, if you’re having any lingering pain, symptoms of depression or other postpartum complications, make an appointment to get checked out.