It’s easy (and very normal) to become frustrated with an obstinate toddler. But the situation is made worse if you lose your temper and start to yell. Not only can you frighten your tot, but you’ll end up feeling awful afterwards.
Of course, occasional yelling may be necessary, especially if something dangerous is about to occur, but shouting to punish a child generally isn’t effective.
In fact, pediatricians urge parents not to raise their voices, spank or shame their children as a means of discipline since these actions may up the risk of behavioral problems and depressive symptoms later in life. Still, you’re only human, of course, which means you’re bound to lose your temper at some point as a parent. Your best bet is to have some strategies to fall back on.
If yelling occurs, an apology is in order, as it might help you feel better plus it sets a good example for your little one. Next, focus on taking your anger down a notch (or two) in the future. That way, if you can stay calm instead of flying off the handle, your child will eventually learn that she can keep calm too.
To help, try these "stay cool" strategies the next time your tot’s behavior sends your temperature rising.
Know your limits
Life has a way of piling on, which means your toddler’s whining is probably the last straw, on top of work deadlines to meet, dinner to make and errands to run. In this case, gauge your feelings and let something slide when you're super stressed so you can avoid making it worse. The fix here: Skip the errands or order a takeout pizza for supper.
Choose your battles
Decide which rules are important to you and then stick to them. After that, let the rest go (who cares if she insists on wearing sandals on a cold day?). This decreases overall frustration and keeps minor arguments from becoming major blowouts.
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Forgive yourself
Yelling happens — and parents usually feel terrible later on. If you do wind up shouting when you shouldn’t have, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, think about how you might have done things differently and strive to do better the next time.
Give yourself a time-out
If you feel like you’re about to lose your temper, remember to breathe. Center yourself with a sip of tea or a gulp of sparkling water, or step into another room (as long as your child is safe). Take a moment to close your eyes or quietly gaze out the window. After just a few minutes, you’re likely to feel more relaxed — and ready to try again.
Go for comedic relief as a distraction
Humor really can work! Try to tickle your child's funny bone before you both lose your cool, either with a joke, funny face or favorite song.
Avoid certain triggers
If walking by the toy store causes your kid to beg and plead for something inside — and this in turn gets on your nerves — take a new route. And keeping off-limits items out of sight (the iPad perhaps?) can cut down on arguments and potential yelling.
Pass the buck
Can’t manage another minute with your whiny tot? Before you start to shout, get your partner, babysitter, relative or other caregiver to take over so you can duck out to recharge for a few minutes.
Find support
This means another parent, a friend, your sympathetic sister or other good listener. When your child's napping or out with a different family member, call your support person and vent (and be sure to return the favor the next time she's the one with a gripe to air).
Be good to yourself
If you make self-care and self-love a priority, you’ll be better able to care for a dependent child. Getting enough sleep, hitting that yoga class you love and eating right are the basics. But don’t forget little treats too, like a night out with friends or your partner, a massage, a bubble bath or simply an hour all to yourself to wander through a bookstore.
Seek professional help
Sometimes a short fuse can be a symptom of something deeper. If you’re having trouble controlling your temper, there’s no shame in finding help. With guidance from a counselor or therapist, you can learn ways to manage your outbursts.
It’s normal to blow a gasket and yell, so try not to beat yourself up about it. Instead, strive to improve how you react to your toddler’s (sometimes) difficult antics. With help from those around you and a good dose of patience, your yelling days will soon be in the rearview mirror.
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