"My daughter is almost two and has been playing with her poop, which she takes out of her diaper and wipes off her hands, onto her sheets, her clothes, and her crib. I’ve read that it’s a sign of being curious about her bodily functions and potty-training readiness. But we've tried the potty, and she's only used it once. My mom intuition says she isn’t ready, but I can’t have her keep playing with her poop. Help!" ~ Rebecca R.
It sounds like you have a Poop Picasso on your hands, or really, on her hands (seriously, the stuff that passes for art these days!) But since you’re probably not eager to start collecting her work, or displaying it, let’s talk about how we can convince her to be less prolific...or at least to switch mediums.
Everything you’ve read is true, at least some of the time, to some extent, in some toddlers. Interest in potty products (both pee and poop) is often a sign of interest in potty training and of some degree of readiness. (That said, even when the door is open, pee prowess usually comes before poop.)
For sure, she is readier now than she was as a baby, when pooping was something that passed (so to speak) without her noticing much. Back then, she might have complained after sitting in a dirty diaper (though not every baby does), but the contents weren’t the least bit interesting otherwise.
Now, they clearly are. Her interest may have been piqued by her brief dabble in the potty arts (maybe you read her books about poop) or just by natural toddler curiosity. A first diaper dive was fascinating to her, and that plus your reaction (I’m going to go with a mixture of shock, disgust, maybe just a smidge of amusement, lots of wide eyes and raised eyebrows and nose wrinkling and shrill shrieks...understandably!) propelled her to diaper dive number two, and three...and more. What’s in here, she realized, is squishy, spreadable, sticks like magic on walls and furniture — and boy, does it ever get Mommy’s attention!
More Potty Training Tips
Sometimes, kids with sensory issues or development disorders or a child who has had some sort of trauma does a lot of diaper diving, but for most toddlers it’s just that urge to explore that motivates. All normal, natural, age appropriate at this point. You may know and appreciate this, but you probably don’t appreciate the smell or the mess (who would?). Pushing the potty probably won't prove helpful and could escalate her antics or lead to painful and unproductive withholding. However, it does make sense to start making the connection between poop and the potty — that poop belongs in the potty. Have her come with you to help flush the remnants of the poop, even if it’s just a bit of resi-doo, on the way to a dunk in the tub to wash her clean (if she is a tub-lover, suds her standing up so she isn’t rewarded in her messy mayhem by scoring a fun bath). Having her help clean up the mess she has made can create a teachable moment — but it can also create a risk of infection if she mouths her hands before they can be carefully washed by you. Poop carries germs that can make her sick if ingested, even if it’s her own poop.
Try, of course, to catch her and pre-empt with a diaper change before she has dug in...and reinforce those opportunities, even if she wasn’t really knowingly cooperating: “Good job keeping your poop in your diaper!” On the flip side, be sure to clearly and calmly and consistently correct her behavior whenever you catch her poop-handed: “We don’t touch poop. Poor is dirty. Now we have to wash it off.”
This habit will get old (and ho-hum) to her, especially if you are unrelentingly boring in your reaction and your follow-through. In the meantime, however, you can try a few other tricks, if you haven’t already. One, make the diaper area as inaccessible as possible (put her in footed one-piece PJs that are tough to tug off or overalls on backwards, and duct-tape her diaper so it’s harder to get into). A one-piece onesie without snaps or zippers can also help keep her (and her poop) contained. If you use cloth diapers, avoid easily-ripped-off Velcro wraps.
Something else to explore: those other mediums. Let her express herself with fingerpaint (if she enjoys the sensation; not every toddler does) or play clay. Or, yes, even with food she can enjoy with her fingers. (Like soft banana chunks...hey, why not...dipped in a little lukewarm melted chocolate?)
And remember that the door to potty training is still open, and ultimately she will make it across the threshold, closing the chapter (sorry about the mixed metaphors) on poopy diapers altogether. Keep an eye out for signs of readiness, and for that matter, keep the potty out. Should you decide you want to jump in headfirst, boot-camping it (underwear or bare at home) often works well, although with no performance pressure and plenty of positive reinforcements (stickers are my preference over candy, both for dental reasons and because candy or other food as reinforcement can set up food fights and more).
Here’s to keeping poop in its place!
Hugs, Heidi
Help Me, Heidi! is a weekly advice column in which What to Expect creator Heidi Murkoff answers your most pressing pregnancy and parenting questions. She’s tackling the stuff you are desperate to know right now — so if you have a question, ask Heidi here or on Facebook and she might answer in an upcoming column.
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