Few moms who have breastfed their babies would call it easy. But try adding another little tyke into the mix and you've got yourself a bit of a situation.
Breastfeeding with a toddler around — especially one who's suddenly being disruptive, emotional or sensitive about getting your attention right this minute — can be tricky. But with a little preparation and understanding, you'll be ready for the challenge.
Is breastfeeding my new baby upsetting my toddler?
Having a toddler in the house doesn't necessarily mean that nursing your second will be any more difficult. Some children are easygoing by nature and won't be bothered. Others might start to act clingy and jealous when their moms are breastfeeding their little siblings. Tots who crave a lot of social interaction with family members typically have a tougher time with the transition.
Any "acting out" or other difficult-to-manage behavior on the part of your toddler will emerge pretty quickly: pulling on Mommy's arms, legs or even hair while she's breastfeeding the baby, well-timed tantrums, crying during feedings, even toilet-training regression might all rear their defiant little heads while you're trying to get the hang of nursing your new addition.
Why is my toddler acting out when I breastfeed my newborn?
Most families will attribute these little rebellions to jealousy. But it's not as straightforward as your toddler simply coveting the attention he sees being lavished on a new brother or sister.
It's important to remember that these behaviors are a direct response to a tot's basic self-centered nature and a change in routine. It's less about the new baby and more about your pint-sized big brother or sister being uncomfortable with the big shift in his world.
Tips on breastfeeding a newborn with a toddler around
The good news is that there are things you can do to help your toddler get on board with your need to feed baby brother or sister — and not have a meltdown every time — sooner rather than later:
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Don't overthink it
Disruptive behaviors are a normal response at this age. Your child has formed a healthy, loving bond with you and is expressing distress because of a change in that dynamic. Toddlers are possessive, regimented, all-about-me little humans — and that's why we love them (right?).
Suddenly acting out doesn't reflect a change in their love, need or appreciation of you, nor does it signal some deep, dark personality disorder that's just now becoming apparent. They are simply being overprotective of the attention they now have to share and the shake-up in the routine they've come to rely on.
Play the big kid card
Offer a special book, puzzle or new toy that you bring out for the big brother or sister when the baby is breastfeeding. Make it very clear this is something that only big kids get to do and little babies can't. You can even designate a special chair or place as a "big kids only" area.
Whatever you decide to do to make your tot feel special as the older sibling, limit it to baby's mealtimes to keep the new toy or activity novel as long as possible.
Ask for help
From your toddler, that is. While you're nursing, ask him to hand you a burp cloth or your favorite pillow, or have him sing you and the baby a song. Then thank him for being such a big help. Being made to feel capable and important can offset feelings of envy.
Take advantage of the quiet time
Once you've gotten into a groove, use the downtime that accompanies nursing to spend quality time with your toddler. Read a story he loves, do a puzzle together and if it's not too difficult to juggle, snuggle with your tot while you're feeding your baby.
Be prepared for your toddler to want to breastfeed, too
If you've already weaned your older child, don't be surprised if your tot suddenly decides he needs to nurse as well.[1] If you're comfortable, let him give it a quick try (but be sure to wash the area well before and after so he's not passing germs to your newborn). He'll probably quickly see that the grass isn't always greener.
If you're not comfortable, gently but firmly explain that babies eat differently from big kids (and big kids have a lot more options!), then distract him with a just-for-toddlers snack or activity.
Choose your battles
Use a little reverse psychology. Toddlers often revert to attention-seeking tactics to get you to focus on them and them alone. If you want the behavior to stop, don't give in. As long as he's not hurting himself or anyone else, try ignoring the acting-out episode until it subsides.
Catch your toddler being good
When he's playing quietly, following directions or being helpful, lavish him with praise. Hugs, kisses and eye contact should do the trick. It'll help your toddler understand that good behaviors — not bad ones — get the attention he craves.
Feed baby in another room sometimes when you have help
Though this won't be possible for every single feeding, nursing your littlest one while your bigger one is otherwise occupied with your partner or another caregiver can help make the whole thing easier for both of you. For toddlers, out of sight is often out of mind, and if he's busy playing his favorite game with his babysitter, he won't even be thinking about you or the baby.
Just remember that if you persist — while making sure to pile on the affection, patience, praise and firm discipline when necessary — this too shall pass. Your toddler will eventually get used to you breastfeeding the new baby sibling as part of the new routine as an older brother or sister. And once that happens, life with a tot and an infant in the house will become a source of a lot more joy rather than stress.
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