You might be well-prepared for the arrival of a new baby in the house, but your firstborn has no idea how her little world is about to change. Help your child prep for a baby and a brand-new life as a big sibling with simple games and strategies that help explain in terms tots understand why babies require so much special attention and care.
Here are a few ideas to help head off feelings of sibling jealousy and resentment and send a message that you'll love your child just as much as always, so that your little one is excited about meeting the new baby.
Give an anatomy lesson
Your firstborn will probably find a brand-new sibling really wrinkly and alien-looking. To help manage expectations, pull out some photos of your toddler when she was a newborn and give the lowdown on some of the things that make infants different from toddlers. For example:
- Belly buttons: Newborns have an umbilical stump attached to their belly button for a few weeks.
- Scrunched-up legs: Their legs are scrunched up from all that time spent tucked inside Mommy's tummy.
- Floppy necks: Their necks are floppy, and it'll be awhile before the new baby's neck is strong enough to support her giant head.
- Soft spots: New babies have delicate soft spots in their skulls (which is one reason to be extra gentle with her head).
You can also pull out one of the teeny-tiny outfits your toddler once wore to offer a sense of how small she was.
Teach your tot to burp
Help your child grasp the concept that newborns don't actually eat anything at all — they just drink. Tell your child that babies grow from drinking special milk straight from your breasts, or from a bottle that you (or your partner or caregiver) prepare. For fun, demonstrate how to burp a baby by practicing on your tot. She's bound to get a kick out of sitting in your lap and making a great big pretend burp.
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Communicate without words
Explain to your child that unlike big kids, a new baby doesn't know how to tell anyone what he wants or what's bothering him, so he cries — it's his way of talking. He might be letting the family know he's hungry or sleepy, too hot or too cold, that his diaper is dirty, or that he's just plain bored. Together, come up with a list of things your firstborn often asks for, and then have her try to get the message across without using words. Your little one will quickly see how hard it might be for a new baby sibling.
Find quiet time activities
It's hard to believe how much an infant sleeps, especially if you're a toddler or preschooler who'd rather do anything but lie still in bed. Explain that growing big and strong like her is hard work and that little babies sleep in spurts because they need to eat often. Once your firstborn understands that a new baby sibling needs plenty of shut-eye in order to grow, she's likely to be more patient and cooperative about your infant's sleep habits. Together make a list of quiet activities your child can do with you while the new baby in the house naps.
Remind her of the womb
Prepare your child for the fact that you're going to have to hold the new baby a lot at first. It can be tough for your firstborn to find your arms — and lap — occupied by the new baby all the time. But once you explain why babies need to be held so much, she just might cut you (and the baby) some slack. Hold your toddler and ask how the rocking motion makes her feel, and then explain that cuddling makes newborns happy because it reminds them of being inside your tummy. Then have your child snuggle her stuffed animal so she feels like a rock star. And remind your child that there will still be plenty of hugs for her, too.
Do a practice run together
Your firstborn might not be up for a daily list of baby-related chores, but she's bound to want to lend a little hand as the big sibling, especially if you make her feel like she's doing something important. Go ahead and promote her to Big Sibling Baby Helper and encourage her to help as much as she'd like. You can do some practice runs before the baby's arrival. Using a doll as a stand-in, have her fetch you a diaper or wipes at changing time, a towel at bath time, a pacifier when the "baby" is crying. Rehearse silly songs and funny faces. Both will come in handy when a cranky sibling needs some distraction. Explain that some tasks, such as rocking and feeding, will be performed only by grown-ups, but that your toddler will still be able to take full charge of her doll's (or stuffed animal's) care.
Rehearse for playtime
Your child might expect a new baby sibling to be ready for action right out of the gate, so it's a good idea to paint a realistic picture of what life with a newborn baby will be like. Explain that babies don't do much more than eat, sleep, cry and poop or pee at first, and that they can't be much of a playmate right away. If you have any video footage of your older child as a newborn, use it to illustrate this point. Together, try out some fun activities that she can play with the baby from day one, such as:
- Singing or dancing for her new sibling
- Offering her finger for the baby to squeeze
- Chatting him up using different voices
- Holding a soft toy for him to look at
Tell your toddler that there's nothing newborns like more than a human face, especially when it belongs to the best big sibling in the world.
Model the art of being gentle
Your child may not realize how important it is to be gentle with newborn babies. Explain that babies need a very gentle touch because they're still so little and not as strong as big girls like her. Have your tot practice being gentle with a doll, holding it on her lap and stroking it softly like she'll soon be doing with the new baby. Ask her to stroke your arm gently too and say things like, "Gentle feels good! The baby will love when you're gentle with him." Point out areas that your child will have to be especially careful with, like the baby's eyes; the soft spot on his head; and his nose, ears and mouth.
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