Gen Zers and Millennials Have Very Different Ideas of What It Means to Be the 'Perfect Parent'

Key findings

• Most moms believe it's important to be "perfect." A majority believe in trying for perfection, but even more Gen Z moms (83 percent) do than Millennial ones (77 percent).
• Millennial moms think they're better at modeling a strong work ethic than Gen Z moms do. Meanwhile, Gen Z moms believe they're better at allowing children to explore their identities than Millennial moms think they are.
• Gen Z moms feel less confident. Seventy percent feel confident about their parenting overall, versus 76 percent of millennial moms.

No one is a perfect parent … but more moms feel pressure now to strive for perfection than ever before. According to What to Expect's recent survey of more than 3,000 new and expectant moms, 8 in 10 say it's important to be perfect. That's up 10 percent from just five years ago.*

Gen Z moms — 18- to 26-year-olds — also have different ideas of what it means to be the perfect parent, compared to Millennials (27- to 41-year-olds), our research revealed. They put more emphasis on being the "perfect mom" compared to Millennials, and they strive to reach more parenting ideals, from keeping kids busy to owning the scheduling for the entire family.  

Gen Z moms aspire to more parenting ideals than Millennial moms

A lot of factors define a "perfect" parent, from helping children meet milestones to modeling a strong work ethic, according to the 3,000 moms surveyed by Everyday Health Group, What to Expect's parent company. The moms — women between the ages of 18 and 54 who were either pregnant or had at least one child up to 8 years old — were asked to weigh in on 26 different parenting ideals and what being a "perfect" mom means to them.

Overall, Gen Z moms put more emphasis on being "perfect" compared to their Millennial counterparts. They rated 11 different parenting ideals significantly higher than the previous generation, including:

• Keeping kids busy with lots of activities (48 percent of Gen Z aspired to this ideal, versus 34 percent of millennials)
• Ensuring kids have plenty of free time (39 percent, versus 30 percent)
• Ensuring tech-free time for children (50 percent, versus 41 percent)
• Owning planning, scheduling and coordination for my family (51 percent, versus 42 percent)
• Being open to child(ren) exploring their own identity (53 percent, versus 45 percent)
• Prioritizing family over myself (41 percent, versus 33 percent)
• Adapting easily to setbacks and difficulties (65 percent, versus 58 percent)

Gen Z might be placing more pressure on themselves because of the environment they've grown up in, says Shari Lusskin, M.D., a perinatal psychiatrist at Mount Sinai Medical Center and member of the What to Expect Medical Review Board.  

"Younger parents who have grown up in the age of social media are used to having their every move discussed and critiqued, and that's no different for parenting," she explains. "It's consistent with people living in a world of social media, where their every gesture is recorded and shared, and every behavior elicits a comment from someone."

Seeing other parents' seemingly perfect lives online can compound the stress that new moms feel. "I feel like I have a lot of pressure to be the perfect mom — especially when I was on maternity leave and was on social media more than before since I wasn’t working," one 26-year-old Gen Z respondent wrote in our survey. "You see them all being perfect, and I barely had my life together even though it wasn’t realistic since I just had my son." 

That's not to say that Millennials don't aspire to incredibly ambitious standards themselves. For many of the parenting ideals we asked respondents about, both generations felt pretty much the same. For example, a similar number aspire to feed their children healthy food (67 percent) and stay fit and physically healthy themselves (49 percent). But Millennial moms only rated two parenting ideals significantly higher than Gen Z moms:

• Modeling a strong work ethic (50 percent of Millennials selected, versus 45 percent of Gen Z)
• Having a successful partnership/marriage (72 percent versus, 68 percent)

Millennials and Gen Z parents also differ when it comes to common parenting debates

One reason Gen Z parents may feel differently about certain parenting ideals is because they also feel differently about some parenting debates. While the two generations responded similarly on some polarizing issues — like trying baby-led weaning versus feeding baby food only — the breakdowns differed significantly for a few key topics: 

• 56 percent of Gen Z said they agree with setting screen time limits, as opposed to 50 percent of Millennials.
• 36 percent of Gen Z said they agree with gentle parenting over authoritative parenting, versus 31 percent of Millennials.
• 64 percent of Millennials said they agree with having a scheduled bedtime, as opposed to 60 percent of Gen Z.
• 35 percent of Millennials said they agree with focusing on experiences over indulging their kids, as opposed to 29 percent of Gen Z. 

Similar trends played out when we compared first-time parents to parents with two or more children, which could suggest that parents' opinions on certain topics may change as they have more kids. For example, moms might grow more willing to ease up on screen time limits as their families grow bigger (and older), compared to how they initially felt while expecting or caring for a newborn. 

"At first, I strived for perfection because I only had one child," a 32-year-old Millennial mom said in our survey. "The more children I had, the less I wanted to be a perfect mom."

Millennial moms feel more confident than Gen Z moms

When asked to rate themselves on a scale of 1 to 10, Gen Z moms feel they're doing better compared to Millennials in areas such as: 

• Focusing on their children's emotional health
• Teaching children to be accepting of all
• Allowing them to explore their identities 
• Teaching children to be environmentally conscious

Millennials rate themselves higher at modeling a strong work ethic and adapting easily to setbacks. Overall, though, more Gen Z moms experience self-doubt — 70 percent feel confident as parents, versus 76 percent of millennial moms. 

The isolating effects of the pandemic may explain the gap. "Younger parents have been subjected to a particularly difficult time with the COVID-19 pandemic," Dr. Lusskin says. "The younger and less experienced you are as a parent, the more you need experienced people to help show you the ropes."

Social distancing, child care challenges, virtual school and less access to support systems like grandparents has compounded the lack of support all moms feel, potentially making parenting ideals seem even further out of reach. The majority of moms we surveyed (75 percent) agree they don't have enough support in the form of a "village."

Social media is the biggest external source of pressure for both Gen Z and Millennial moms

Outside of the pressure they put upon themselves, seeing social posts from other parents they know, the media and family are moms' biggest sources of pressure.

In fact, compared to a 2018 survey*, moms are 67 percent more likely to say that social media puts pressure on them to live an outwardly exciting life. 

It's hard not to compare yourself to what you see in your feed, even though it's never the whole picture. "People think, 'Oh, well, I must be doing something wrong because everybody else looks so happy,'" Dr. Lusskin explains. "And yet, you're only seeing a slice of the day that people choose to post."

Despite the importance they placed on being perfect, the majority of people we polled already know there's no such thing as the "perfect mom" — 71 percent think she doesn't exist. 

"I've been dealing with so much pressure, mostly figuring out how to be the perfect mother to my baby, but I've come to understand that there’s no such thing as the perfect mother or perfect anything in this world," a 22-year-old Gen Z respondent wrote. "So I learn and change every day as I grow as a new mom."

And she's right. "You don't have to be perfect — you have to be good enough," Dr. Lusskin says. "Take what people say under advisement, and figure out which approach works best for you and your family. But there is no perfect."

Motherhood Matrix Study methodology

Everyday Health Group Pregnancy & Parenting surveyed 3,232 women in October 2022 for its Motherhood Matrix Study. Respondents were U.S. women, age 18–54 who were either pregnant or have a child 0 to 8 years old.

*Data trended from 2018 is based on responses from only BabyCenter moms. BabyCenter, along with What to Expect, are both part of Everyday Health Group’s Pregnancy & Parenting division.