All kids crave comfort, and for a whole lot of young ones, comfort comes in the form of a threadbare blanket or a dog-eared doggy. Sometime before their first birthdays, many babies discover the soothing power of something soft and cuddly (and sometimes not-so-cuddly). Before you know it, that lovey will become glued to your little one's side — a constant companion in the car, crib and maybe even preschool.
If your toddler has just become stuck on a stuffed animal or piece of cloth — what experts call transitional objects — you might be wondering what it all means. Here's where that intense love for a lovey comes from.
What is a lovey?
A lovey is a precious plaything or blankie that helps ease transitions when your child is sleepy, worried or sick. Think of a lovey as a pint-sized, portable emotional support system — it's a reliable friend in times of need, especially when a parent is away or busy.
Many babies and toddlers will gravitate to small, snuggly objects like blankets, tiny pillows or stuffed animals. But don't be too surprised if your little one gloms onto a toy (a block, say, or a book), a washcloth or a T-shirt.
How to introduce a lovey
Chances are, your baby will latch onto her preferred lovey herself, if she's so inclined. (Some kids never want a security object, and that's okay too.) But if you want to nudge the process along, you might try giving your baby a soft baby blanket or stuffed animal and keeping it nearby as you feed or read to your little one.
Introducing a toddler to a lovey? Try putting something cuddly next to her at naptime and see if it takes.
Whatever plaything or blanket you pick, go for one that's soft. A cotton or jersey knit is ideal because it can go in the washing machine when it gets dirty. If you're going the stuffie route, the best stuffed animals are ones that are the safest. They have embroidered eyes and noses, so there's no danger of a button nose ending up in your tot's mouth.
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If your little one becomes attached to a specific stuffed animal, buy a duplicate if possible (or cut the blanket in two). Your best bet is to rotate loveys so that they wear evenly. That way, your toddler won't know the difference if the original ever goes AWOL.
When can a baby sleep with a lovey?
Not until she hits her first birthday. Before then, you need to practice safe sleeping habits — so no blankets, pillows or stuffed animals in the crib. A bare crib protects your baby from SIDS and other sleeping hazards.
Of course, if your baby is attached to the pacifier, then it's okay to pop it in when she's dozing, no matter how young she is. Once your little one enters toddlerhood, it's perfectly fine for her to snooze with a lovey, whether it's a teddy, blanket or small pillow.
Why do kids get attached to loveys?
Kids may grow even more attached to their loveys as they become more independent. That threadbare teddy is a little piece of home that can travel to unfamiliar places or soothe your little one when the going gets tough. A lovey offers reassurance and moral support as your little one becomes independent. After all, crawling or toddling away from you can be exciting, but it's also scary.
Many children grow attached to their loveys before they reach their first birthdays, but this behavior usually peaks in the second year, especially with all the changes coming down the pike. Toddlers face many transitions (from big-kid beds to new baby siblings) and some common fears, from dogs and strangers to crowds and the dark.
So it's no surprise a lot of toddlers appreciate their cuddly sidekicks — and that the attachment to a lovey blanket or toy will wax before it wanes. It's perfectly common and doesn't mean your toddler is weaker or more insecure than the child who couldn't care less about comfort objects. In fact, loveys have a lot to teach kids about the power of self-soothing, and that's an important lesson to begin learning now.
What to do if your toddler is too attached to a lovey
While you don't want to pressure your toddler to give up her precious lovey — or try to shame or tease her about it — you do want to ensure she's not over-relying on it. Some signs to watch out for: if your tot is always snuggling lovey instead of playing with toys, running around outside or socializing with other kids.
If the lovey is getting in the way of other activities, consider whether she's feeling especially anxious (perhaps about a new sitter or sibling), and give her some extra TLC. If you can't figure out what's behind the behavior, a checkup might be in order to help rule out any concerns.
Sometimes you'll have to loosen her grip because the lovey turns into a potential preschool or day care problem, whether your child's school has a policy against toting a lovey or if sharing her plaything or blankie becomes an issue. Taking these steps with your toddler can make it easier for her to put her lovey aside when she needs to:
- Set limits, if possible. Tell your toddler that her teddy can be carried around in the house but not to the playground. Or that it can go in the car but not inside the store. (She may surprise you by actually listening to reason: "Let's keep Teddy at home where he won't get lost or dirty.")
- Enlist your child's help. Ask her to find a special place in the house where her blankie will be safe while she plays outside. Or suggest she buckle it in the stroller or car seat before she leaves for day care or preschool. Another option: Have her stash it in the cubby, if the preschool or day care teachers allow that.
- Schedule laundry visits. Get your child used to having her lovey washed (when she's asleep overnight is a good time). It's less likely to develop a "signature" scent (i.e. one that might be hard to replicate in a spare.)
- Keep her hands busy. She'll have less time to cling to her doggy if she's got interesting things to do, such as crafts, puzzles and block building.
- Crank up the comfort. Make sure you give lots of hugs and reassurance so her lovey isn't the only source of solace.
Don't worry about your child earning her diploma with her teddy in tow. Often around age 6, many kids feel ready to bid bye-bye to their loveys (though they may occasionally cling to it during times of stress). Or your first grader might replace the blankie with something more age-appropriate, like a lucky rock or trinket.
Before you know it, the only time you'll see your kiddo with a lovey will be when you scroll through old photos of her early childhood.
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