When my 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter met my newborn son, it wasn't love at first sight. My toddler was certainly interested in the tiny new human living under the same roof as she, but best friends? Hardly.

As I suspected -- and as with many toddlers -- my daughter wasn't a huge fan of someone else taking up so much of Mama's attention. As soon as I would pick the baby up, my daughter wanted to be held. When my son was fussy, my daughter wanted my attention more than ever. And when I was nursing him, she'd get crafty and do things like try to pull our curtains down (yes, really).

To say this was heartbreaking is an understatement. Throughout my pregnancy with my son, I constantly felt a mixture of sadness that I was "betraying" our first born and anxiety that our daughter would feel ostracized or -- worst of all -- unloved.

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Not long after we brought our sweet son home, it was as if everything I feared was coming true. All those photos I saw on Instagram of siblings loving on one another in their parents' bed? So wasn't happening in my home.

I tried my hardest to split my attention among my two children evenly, but I was always feeling bad about something and guilty that I was failing someone. If I let the baby lie on the floor while I played dolls with my daughter, my heart broke for him. (Who lays their baby on the floor when he's awake?!) If I walked around wearing my son, unable to pick up my daughter when she asked, my heart broke for her. (Who doesn't pick their toddler up when they ask?!)

Despite the fact that I had two perfect children, I just couldn't get the mom-of-two thing down. Nothing was ever even. Someone was always getting more attention than the other. For anyone familiar with mom guilt, I don't need to describe how I felt.

As the months went by, my son developed something that resembled a schedule, and my daughter got a little more mature and used to her baby brother. Things settled down. My kids loved each other. And just like in all the Instagram photos, they really were (usually) cuddly and sweet to one another. But still, with each day that passed, someone typically got more of my time. Someone was always told to wait because I needed to tend to their sibling. Things still weren't even.

Now, nearly 16 months after my son was born, it's finally dawned on me that nothing is ever going to be even. Every day, someone is always going to get more of my attention. And that's OK -- because there's nothing that can be done about it right now. My children love each other more than anything and their faces light up when they see one another. But they still cry if I have to tell them "one minute" while I help tie one's shoe or change another's diaper. While they're young, this is how it's going to be.

Recently, I've tried lightening up on myself because this whole "being even" thing is something that's out of my control. If both of my kids are safe and taken care of and know that they're loved up to the moon and back times infinity, we're good.

But, as I know all too well, that doesn't mean it's going to be without a few tears. But that's OK. Sort of.

Does this sound familiar? How did your oldest react when a new baby joined the family?

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