After feeding and diapering duties, soothing your fussy infant can seem like it takes up the bulk of your day (and most of the night!). Crying and babies go hand in hand, of course, since kicking up a fuss is the only communication skill your newborn knows. Yet a baby’s cries can quickly overwhelm, especially when you can’t figure out why she’s so upset in the first place.
And while crying is normal for newborns, as a first-time mom or dad, deciphering what “normal” actually means isn’t always obvious. The first step toward learning how to soothe a crying baby is to approach the task as calmly as possible, since getting worked up only compounds the stress for you both.
To help your wee one settle down, here’s a look at some of the most common reasons babies cry and how to comfort your infant so you can both finally relax.
Why is my baby crying?
It’s the age-old question that parents have been asking since the beginning of time: Why the tears? To help you determine why your baby is crying, check out what could be behind it:
- Hunger. Newborns nurse or take a bottle every few hours, or eight to 12 times in a 24-hour period. If your baby's crying, there’s a good chance she’s ready to eat again. Look for signs of hunger like lip smacking, bringing hands to her mouth and rooting to feed baby before tears begin.
- Gas. Gulping lots of liquid can trap air in your baby’s belly, making her uncomfortable and fussy. The fix: Burp your baby after every feeding with gentle pats on the back to relieve gas.
- Wet or dirty diaper. No one wants to sit in wet or poopy pants! Infants create as many as six or more wet diapers a day, so check her tiny bum frequently.
- Fatigue. From day one to month three, newborns sleep about 14 to 17 hours in a full day in spurts of two to four hours. Lay your sweetie down to rest if you think she’s due for a snooze.
- Colic. Excessive crying could be colic — ask your child's pediatrician if you think her crying might be excessive.
- Boredom. Yup, babies get tired of sitting and looking at the same old scene. To quash the boredom, pop her into a front carrier, sway in a glider or rocking chair, stand by the window, go out for a walk or just stroll from room to room.
- Overwhelmed. Retreat with your baby to cuddle quietly, away from people and noise. Sucking on a pacifier also soothes, or you can try swaddling her in a light blanket so she feels safe and snug.
- Hot — or cold. Layers work well when dressing your baby, but too few or too many can leave her uncomfortable and in tears. Check her outfit to see if you should add or subtract a layer.
- Sick. Lastly, crying is sometimes an indication that your baby isn’t well, so check in with her pediatrician. If you suspect she might have a fever, check her rectal temperature.
How can I determine if my baby’s fussiness is normal?
Crying is completely normal for a baby. In fact, you can expect to hear two or three hours of fussing a day during the first six weeks of your baby’s life. So once you know that crying is just a part of being a baby, the next step is figuring out if the cries you hear are run-of-the-mill cues (hunger, fatigue, dirty diaper), and this takes some practice.
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Once you’ve nailed what each type of cry sounds like, you’ll know that the fussing you hear is likely normal. More intense wailing or screaming, however, may indicate an unusual level of crying that could be colic.
If your child is crying excessively, discuss it with your pediatrician. She may need to be evaluated to make sure there isn’t a medical cause. If her pediatrician suspects colic, they can recommend what you can do to help.
Crying that’s weak-sounding or comes across like soft whimpering could mean your baby is sick and can’t muster the strength to cry loudly. Call the pediatrician so you can describe your baby’s symptoms and learn how best to treat any illness she may have. The pediatrician may tell you to bring your child in for a checkup.
Colic vs. “normal crying”
The rule of threes is a good way to determine whether your baby might be suffering from colic. Babies who cry more than three hours a day for more than three days a week over the course of three weeks may have colic, which affects one in five babies. Ask your child's pediatrician if you're unsure whether or not her crying is considered excessive.
Another sign of colic is crying that’s more like screaming and that usually occurs in the later afternoon or evening for hours at a time.
Although there's no hard-and-fast definition of “normal crying,” it tends to be the type of tears that you understand and can quickly quell. For example, a rhythmic, low-pitched cry along with sucking or lip-smacking sounds could indicate hunger, while a whiny, continuous cry that grows increasingly louder might mean that your infant is tired or uncomfortable.
How to soothe a fussy baby
Once you’ve ruled out the obvious reasons your baby could be crying (empty tummy, wet diaper, overdo nap) and your pediatrician doesn't think she’s sick, try these time-tested techniques to help clear the tears and make you both feel better.
- Offer a swaddle. This snug wrap in a receiving blanket keeps your little bundle feeling secure. Experts think swaddling soothes babies because it creates a cozy, womb-like feeling. Many parents find swaddling helps babies settle down faster and sleep longer.
- Encourage sucking. Babies often soothe themselves with nonnutritive sucking, which doesn't fill their tummies but does calm their nerves. If your baby is crying, help her find her thumb, fist or finger, or simply offer one of your own fingers. A pacifier also does the trick, but consider waiting until breastfeeding is well established before introducing one.
- Try a front carrier or sling. Wearing your baby and walking around is a great way to soothe her. Babies enjoy the feeling of closeness and the rhythm of your steps. A carrier is also convenient, since your hands remain free for multitasking. Have your baby face your body in a front-pack carrier or a sling for the first three months when she needs the extra head support. You can also use a sling, which is particularly useful for on-the-go nursing and can convert to a side or back hold when your baby gets older.
- Rock, sway or glide. Hold baby while you sit in a rocking chair or glider, or place her in a motorized baby swing or vibrating bouncy seat. Be sure to follow the manufacturer's safety instructions regarding the age and weight restrictions for these devices.
- Turn on the white noise. Some babies calm down to rhythmic whooshing sounds, which may remind them of the womb. Ones to try: a vacuum cleaner, hair dryer or fan. You also can invest in a white-noise machine or try shushing your baby with "Shhhhhh…shhhhhh" sounds.
- Sing a song. Your baby has no idea whether you sing off-key or with perfect pitch. What she does know is that you’re showering her with song — and love. The next time she's cranky, sing a classic lullaby, a cheesy '80s power ballad or whatever tune you like.
- Get wet. If your baby tends to mellow out at bathtime, fill up the tub with warm water, and make it a regular part of her calming routine.
- Give a massage. Massaging your baby can be a relaxing ritual for both of you, and it’s a great way to calm your little one's cries. You can experiment with lotion or special baby massage oils, though neither is necessary. Use a gentle touch that’s firm but not ticklish. (Just be receptive to your baby's cues, as some little ones may find massage overwhelming.)
- Try the “colic carry.” Sometimes when your baby is crying inconsolably, what she needs is some pressure on her tummy — or what’s known as the "colic carry” — to help relieve gas and colic: Lay your baby on her tummy on your forearm, cradling her head in your hand and use your other hand to stabilize her and rub her back. Or lay her on her back and gently “bicycle pump” her knees up to her tummy for 10 seconds, then release and repeat.
- Head outside. The motion may be all she needs to calm right down, plus a change of scene can work wonders both for cranky babies and their bedraggled parents. The light, air and temperature, plus new sights, sounds and smells will improve everyone’s mood.
- Be entertaining. Even young babies can get bored — and if they do, it can cause them to get fussy. To keep your little one entertained, try narrating your actions, replete with silly noises and animated expressions. You also may play on the floor with her and show how her toys rattle and spin, read a rhyming board book or turn on some tunes and dance.
What to do if you’re feeling frustrated by your baby’s crying
No one can take endless tears, especially if you’re operating on too-little sleep due to middle-of-the-night feedings. Feeling frustrated by crying is normal, so ease the load by passing baby to your partner, mother, friend or sitter and then taking time for yourself.
And no matter how frustrated you are, never, ever shake your baby. Vigorous shaking, such as that done in frustration, can result in abusive head trauma (AHT), commonly known as shaken baby syndrome (SBS), even if it's brief. Violent shaking in children of any age can cause severe brain damage or death, but infants and young toddlers are particularly susceptible.
If you ever sense that you’re at a breaking point, put your baby in her crib (she’s perfectly safe there) and rest quietly in another room until you feel calm. Other strategies that may help, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), include taking a breath and counting to 10, calling a friend for emotional support or listening to calming music.
If you're feeling overwhelmed and you think you need to talk with a professional about your feelings, call a crisis hotline, mental health organization or your healthcare provider right away.
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